As we all go through many personal shifts, these individual shifts are often reflected in our partnerships. Make 2021 the year of moving into a more aware, conscious, elevated form of partnership. And as you step into this year with the one you love, it is key that you choose to leave these three mindbased relationship habits in the past.
Faultfinding and using “you” statements.
Though we may not always realize it, we are conditioned to find fault outside of ourselves. As part of our human survival thought patterns, we inherit and learn ways of seeking out the sources of problems and eliminating them in order to make our lives easier. Sadly, no one is safe from the minds’ faultfinding radar—not even (and sometimes especially) the ones we love most. But even if there is a mistake or an imbalance that needs to be corrected in a relationship, blaming the other perpetuates old dynamics and destructive cycles, rather than strengthening the partnership. When it comes down to it, anytime we hear ourselves starting with “You …” we can know that we’re heading in the direction of faultfinding and blame rather than understanding and trust.
Speaking from the mind rather than the heart.
Love is supposed to be the domain of the heart, but far too often we allow our minds to run the show. Pay attention to the words you’re using when you talk to your partner. “I think …”, “It’s just that …” “OK, but …” and “I/You just don’t get it …” are all telltale phrases that you are coming from a mental or ego, fear-driven place rather than the heart. “I feel …”, “When I hear/experience this, I feel …” and “I have a wound around this that is being poked right now and I am feeling …” are the magic words of vulnerability that create a safe space for everyone to open up and connect, rather than being reactive and defensive, fearing a mind battle.
Putting the need to be right above seeing the other’s perspective.
The human mind is very dualistic—conditioned to see right and wrong, good and bad—and wants only to be on the winning (survival) side. The next time you find yourself in conflict with your partner, say to yourself, “I don’t need to be right, only to express how I feel and hear how they feel.” This will help you lower your ego weapons, which will, in turn, help your partner lower theirs.
Remember, it took both you and the other person a lifetime (and maybe a few before that, in addition to those of your ancestors) to develop your unique perspective on life and the inner wounds you have endured. It may take the rest of this life to explore and share them fully, but the reward of deep connection is well worth the journey.
Spirit intuitive reader, clairvoyant and coach India Leigh empowers others to come into more connection with their own divine creative power, aligning their energy, thoughts, words and actions with their greatest good and highest purpose. indialeigh.com